Friends on Facebook

Facebook recommended a friend to me today. We have 8 mutual Facebook friends, so you'd think I'd know him. And I do. It's a guy from high school.

We were never friends in high school, despite having friends in common, and being in some classes together. We graduated and went in different directions, and then a year after high school I saw him at a party, and when I said hello to him, he said, "Oh my God! You really are flat-chested!" And after that, I thought he was an asshole.

But here's the thing. It has been 29 years. I'm not usually a grudge-holder. And 29 years is a long time to hold a grudge.

And here's another thing. If it happened today, I would burst out laughing. I've grown up a little since then.

But at the time I was pretty sensitive. And, I might argue that for some things there are no statutes of limitations. That was probably one of the most deliberately mean things anyone has ever said to me. And it successfully hurt my feelings.

Of course, when I was a teen, I said and did some pretty dumb stuff too. Who knows, maybe some of them were to him. I've forgotten most of them, I imagine, and forgiven myself for the ones I remember. And I like to think I wouldn't make most of those same mistakes now.

I don't imagine he remembers the incident. He probably remembers, like most people do, that he did some dumb stuff as a teen, but mostly he remembers himself in a good light. And he probably wouldn't make most of those same mistakes now.

So - to friend or not to friend. I hate to keep hating someone for one little thing that happened a long time ago. On the other hand, I haven't seen him since then and have nothing else by which to remember him. I don't have any pleasant memories with which to dilute the one bad one.

So I'm not going to take Facebook's recommendation and friend the guy, because we were never friends, he was an incredible asshole to me once, and I haven't thought about him for the better part of 29 years - not until he started showing up as a friend suggestion on Facebook.

Of course, this is the genius behind Google+. Instead of friending him, I could add him to a circle, like an "Assholes from High School" circle. But what would be the point? (Actually, my friend Laura says that for people in that circle, I could just do the occasional post to show them how very, very well I'm doing. I thought that was a damned funny idea.)

The situation has brought to mind a video I saw on YouTube a few months ago that had gone viral.  It's a little different than my situation - it's about an old lover who broke her heart, and now wants to be friends on Facebook. It's called "Are You F*cking Kidding Me?" But it's a good song, and it kind of represents the spirit of what I've been thinking.